Ah, the gentle, reassuring glow of the nightlight. When we think of the nightlight, we think of that thing which makes children feel safe at light, which banishes dark thoughts, which creates a snug and comforting home.
Usually this is true, and nightlights are seen as innocuous as a They Might Be Giants song.
And I quote: Not to put too fine a point on it, say I’m the only bee in your bonnet.
Ohhh, it’s sweet, it’s charming! A nightlight is the kind of thing that gives warm-fuzzies!
Except when they’re not.
With that in mind, we at the Museum of WTF proudly present….
The Alien Fetus Specimen Jar nightlight.
We shall watch you in the darkness.
(As an aside, I have *no idea* why “sea turtle” came up as a suggested tag from WordPress, but it seemed like such a random and senseless suggestion that I was compelled to write a sentence and link to it so I could include that tag. Weirdos. WTF?) (Ahhhhh…well played, WordPress. Well played.)
(photo from etsy)
Today is Good Friday, the start of the Easter weekend and despite the rampant commercialization of Christmas, the beginning of the primary holiday around which Christian theology is based. Jesus’s death and resurrection are what showed the world that he was no mere mortal but was instead divinely born.
Among Catholics (and some-but-not-all other Christian denominations), the Sacred Heart is a well-known devotion. Jesus’s heart, illuminated either by a flame or by some internal, light-causing passion, represents the “unmitigated love, compassion, and long-suffering of the heart of Christ towards humanity.”
This is exactly why the following picture’s WTFery has so much impact. Consider its importance. Consider the meaning. Consider the person who, when faced with a print of Jesus and his blazing heart and its divine representation, thought…you know what this picture needs?
He has risen and it is CA-RAZY!
Happy Easter, y’all!
(photo from imgur)
Pan is the ancient Greek god of shepherds, fields and wild places. He’s also associated with rampant, licentious sexuality, seduction, becoming overwhelmed with fear (i.e., “panic“) and music. Half-goat, half-man, he’s often depicted playing a set of bound reeds called (of course) the pan flute.
Who is that goat-legged fellow, Smithers? I like the cut of his jib.
Tootly-tootly-roo! But. Why just play a set of pipes when you can play the whole goat?
Can you feel the licentious sexy?
Says Dianna: I love this. I want to believe the goat was a dear family pet and now, they can have beautiful music together for all eternity. Because any other explanation just makes it a weird ass goat hanging on this guy’s neck as he plays the most annoying music in the world.
(image from imgur)
IN HONOR OF THE “WHALE BONE PORN” MOTHER, I FEEL COMPELLED TO WARN YOU THAT THERE ARE BOOBIES–albeit weird ones–IN THIS PHOTO! PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN! SHIELD THINE PRECIOUS EYES!
There I was, having a nice cup of hibiscus tea, when Dianna sent me an email. “This one…it’s not like the others,” she said as a way of introducing her WTF-laden find.
When she’s right, she’s right. I pulled up the attachment and nearly snarfed my tea.
Who’s a special girl?
So, so so so. Yes, yes yes yes. Where do we begin? Is it the crazed glass eye? The sassy choker? The overall, animal-head-on-human-torso design aesthetic? Pretty sure it’s the skull from a wild boar and I don’t know if I take comfort in this or not, but if the WTF artist had just sold the skull as-is, sans torso, s/he probably could have gotten about $250 for it. I confess I was so horrified yet mesmerized by the breasts with their nipples made out of…what are those? Amplifier dials?…that I didn’t notice the television antennae attached to its bleached skull. I suppose the antenna are so the she-beast can receive signals from its mother planet, and then pass them along to its human guardian. Precious.
I can only hope those nipples go up to eleven.
The things you can find at a flea market these days.
So, seriously. WTF? I’m at a complete loss.
(image taken from imgur)
Because it’s best to wrap babies in non-breathable plastic.*
My favorite part about this is the ad copy towards the bottom.
“You see what you buy–no guesswork!”
So buying your baby can be virtually stress-free!
Oooh, I’ll skip the next line of copy; it’s my favorite. Last line:
“…and things in Cellophane are clean and sanitary.”
Your wrapped baby will be no-fuss, no-muss! Child-rearing for the germophobe set made easy!
OK, this is my favorite:
“Foods come fresh–stay fresh longer–less waste.”
Derp. Really? I can’t imagine how–even in the dark ages of the 1950s–it ever seemed socially acceptable to equate babies with food. Without the cannibal allusion this ad would be retro and kitschy and kind of head-scratchingly weird thanks to the graphics but the food line elevates this to full-on WTFery. Retro-style.
(photo from Kitschy Living)
Meatloaf! Comfort food for the masses, just like mamma used to make.
Oh dear God. Why? Why?
(image found at cakewrecks.com)
With my most sincere apologies to Sweet.
I – don’t wanna know your name
‘Cause you don’t look the same
The way you did before
O.K. – you think you got a pretty face
But the rest of you is out of place
You looked allright before
Fox on the run
You scream and everybody comes a running
Take a run and hide yourself away.
—Fox on the Run, © 1974
Too bad those foxes didn’t run fast enough. Neither did a rabbit, a black cat and…what’s that covering the speed bag? A rat? A muskrat?
Because punching animals in one’s down time = awesome.
So, please. Theories? Explanations? Ideas? The WTFery is pretty profound here for a variety of reasons.
(photo found on imgur)