I”m all lost in the supermarket,
I can no longer shop happily.
I came in here for a special offer;
a guaranteed personality.
(with eternal gratitude to The Clash)
This isn’t perhaps the weirdest WTF of all time, but it literally made me say WTF, and so…
The other day I was walking through Boscov’s, a chain of department stores in five states along the US Eastern seaboard (of which Pennsylvania is an honorary member, so take that, doubters!). It’s a decent store that offers low-to-midrange price points on just about everything from shoes to clothes to toys to housewares to La-Z-Boys. They have a charmingly cheesetastic “As Seen On TV!” section. Normally it’s not a…well, it’s not a great place to shop (though I know my mother would disagree with me on this) but it’s not weird, like, oh, clearly this store was laid out by Cthulhu to terrify humanity into obedience. It’s not confusing. It is what it is.
So imagine me, the other day, walking into Boscov’s to kill a little time before the movie I was seeing at the mall megamultibajillionplex started. I am a woman and absolutely fall into the consumer trappings of womanhood and so I made haste to the shoe department. Smack in the middle of the aisle, at the confluence of shoes and handbags and clothing and purses and swimsuits, I saw…this…
And you know…
First of all, I’m pretty sure that’s a fire hazard.
Second, they HAVE a food department, so why the potato chips have migrated to the exact opposite end of the store is a mystery.
Third, there’s something inherently weird about sticking a huge potato chip display near the swimsuits. Want that beach body, boys and girls? Well…have some chips instead! Once you feel guilty and panicked that you won’t be able to fit into your bathing suit this year, we’ll be happy to direct you to our exercise equipment. May we interest you in a Shake Weight? It’s been seen on TV.
Fourth, this reinforces my belief that potato chips, as much as I love their salty greasy goodness, aren’t really food at all.
So I propose: FLASH MOB! Susquehanna Valley Mall, some time soon. And we all just descend en masse upon Boscov’s and buy all the chips and walk around the store eating them, touching things with our greasy, crumby fingers. It would be madness.
A friend suggested that said flash mob “…should buy chips, high heels, and bathing suits. Then put on the heels and swimsuits, stuff the bag of chips in the suit, and have a very crunchy and weird mosh pit.”
We could do that too. The possibilities are wide open.
So, seriously, Boscov’s, WTF?
Today’s non-sequitur suggested WordPress tag is: Bethesda Terrace. Bethesda Terrace is a structure/walkway that overlooks the lake New York City’s Central Park, and has nothing to do with anything I’ve talked about today. Thanks, WordPress!