Fourth Floor: Ladies’ Unforgivables!

Who here has read the Harry Potter books?  I don’t mean one in particular, I mean any one of them.  Because it just takes one casual reading and/or viewing to know that “Avada Kedavra” is the killing curse.  Considered an Unforgivable, “Avada Kedavra” brings instant death to the person against whom it is uttered.  It’s what Voldemort used when he killed Harry’s parents, and it’s what Lucius Malfoy tried to use against Harry himself (though completion of the spell was prevented thanks to Dobby knocking Lucius into next week, but that’s another post for another day).

Go get ’em, Dobby!

Which brings us to our latest exhibit in Things That Ought Not to Go Together.  Fact: it is creepy to combine tween/young adult fiction with lingerie.  For example, I have never seen a Black Beauty codpiece (let that stew in your brain for a while) or an Anne of Green Gables merry widow.

Not that that wouldn’t be interesting.

Also fact: it is creepy to combine sex and death, which is part of my objection to the (hopefully fading) vampire trend.

So in a hellish confluence of bad and creepy ideas, we at the Museum of WTF proudly present:

The Avada Kedavra bra!

 

deathly pillows etsy

a/k/a The Deathly Pillows

This takes “knockin’ ’em dead in the sack” to a whole new level.

(Sadly, WordPress isn’t giving me completely unrelated suggested tags, so…maybe next time.)

Bra found on Etsy.

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I’ll have the sandwich with a side of your soul, please.

Today’s feature at the Museum of WTF Cafe is:  Grilled Cheese!

Who doesn’t like a gooeyooey grilled cheese sandwich, crispy with butter and browned bread on the outside, and warm and velvety-melty on the inside?  Sure, you can fancy it up with tomatoes and herbs and garlic, but a simple grilled cheese, done right, is sure to bring a smile to every hungry boy or girl.  Like this one!

May my dolly have something to eat, Mother?

Will you feed my dolly too, Mother?

Though I do hope you note, she has the same look of feral bloodlust on her face as does the Zuni doll that chased Karen Black to possessed murderousness in Trilogy of Terror.

Can I get that wrapped in misery, to go?

Can I get that wrapped in misery, to go?

Just another tasty offering at the WTF Cafe!

All sales final.

~XOT

Photos from Foodimentary and SyFy.

For the Auto Enthusiast

Sometimes, cars can start to smell manky.  It’s not that anything is wrong, particularly (though maybe there is).  But you know.  People sit in them, sweat in them, maybe smoke in them, eat falafel in them (learn from my experience people…mistake!).  In order to help eliminate the accumulated Odor of Life, companies have taken it upon themselves to create air fresheners that hang from the rear view mirror.  The pine-tree-shaped car freshener has become iconic in American culture…why?  I’m not sure.  But everyone knows about the little trees and regards them fondly.

Then there is the air freshener that is iconic for other reasons.

Presenting: the Nelson Mandela Air Freshener

Presenting: the Nelson Mandela Air Freshener

Damn, Nelson Mandela!  You smell so good!  Make sure you have this in your car when you go out to buy some Rocket Fuel Malt Liquor.

Daaaaaaaaamn!  It’s crizappy!

Though in all seriousness, I want one of these.  If anyone has a spare Mandela air freshener hanging around, I’d be happy to take it off your hands.

And now, a look at the completely random, nonsensical suggested tag from WordPress: The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.  Why did WordPress suggest this?

Honestly, folks?

No friggin’ idea.  But now it’s tagged, so thank you, WordPress!

~XOT

(Photo taken from Buzzfeed)

The Miracle of Flight

Come fly with me, let’s float down to Peru
In llama land there’s a one-man band
And he’ll toot his flute for you
Come on fly with me, let’s take off in the blue

(With eternal thanks to Frank Sinatra)

See,the thing is, the world is a pretty weird place on its own, and you can see this within moments when you stop to take a look at things.  WTFery doesn’t necessarily have to arise because something has been manipulated (painted, taxidermied, whatever).  Sometimes, it just happens.  Organically.  Even better, occasionally someone is there with a camera and manages to snap a picture more expressive than any words.  And we, the lucky ones, can take some time to sit back and contemplate nature’s boundless wonder.

Like this, for example.

A flying squirrel, trying out for the Martha Graham Dance Company.

A flying squirrel, trying out for the Martha Graham Dance Company.

That is a photograph, people, of the noble flying squirrel.  Not an artist’s misrepresentation.  Not an arranged taxidermy.  A photograph.  Yeah.  Crazy-ass animal kingdom.

Imagine seeing this hurtling toward your head in the woods at night.  I’m willing to bet the camera was in the right position because the photographer was swinging it by its strap in self-defense.  It goes off, everyone’s happy.  Because seriously.  WTF?

So to make us all feel better, here’s a little Frank Sinatra, Come Fly With Me, live.  Before the travesty of auto-tune.

And: today’s completely jacked suggested tag from WordPress: Mil Mi-8.  Which is apparently a troop transport helicopter-slash-gunship.  Why do you suggest these things to me, WordPress?  I don’t see a single rotor making that squirrel float.  But now I’ve mentioned it so I can tag it, all because you suggested it, WordPress.  I hope you’re pleased with yourself.

Happy WTFing!  Don’t forget your camera.

~XOT

Photo from wilderness.org

Napoleon 2.0, Pensive

The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.

With my most humble apologies to George Orwell and all the beasts of England.

So, ahhh…

Well, there’s…

You know what?  I’m just going to give this to you.

Do not imagine, comrades, that leadership is a pleasure!

Do not imagine, comrades, that leadership is a pleasure!

Because seriously, WTF?  I can’t even figure out a way to introduce this properly.  Nominated as a MoWTF entry by Friend of the Museum Heather Wallace, this man-pig creature is, according to Dianna, “Horrifying and mesmerizing. It certainly meets my WTF standards.”

Indeed, that is what we strive for in our pursuit of WTFery.

That, and trying to understand the suggested tags WordPress generates.  They suggested “French Army“?  What what why?  I mean, Animal Farm was an allegory about the rise of Stalinism, not about the French Army.  It was written by a British guy.  If I was referring to The Island of Dr. Moreau it would at least make some semblance of sense, since Moreau is clearly of French origin and he was all about the man-beasts.  Now I have to link to it just because it makes no sense…unless the French are secretly creating a platoon of mutant man-beast soldiers.

What do you know that you aren’t telling us, WordPress???

Have a WTF kind of day.

~XOT

Image found at deviantart.com

Military History Exhibit: Women in Combat

There’s a long-standing debate over whether or not women should be allowed in combat positions in the military.  Are they strong enough physically?  Are they strong enough mentally,  or will they weep girly tears when faced with big, scary guns?  Will they be too busy flirting with their fellow soldiers to pull their weight?  And holy pockets, but who in their right minds wants to be stuck in a foxhole with a woman on her period.  Right, people, amirite?  Amirite?

Well, worry no more!  As the first piece in our ever-growing exhibit on military history, MoWTF proudly presents the perfect solution for women in combat.  Drum roll, please, as we present…

It's the tampon blow gun.

It’s the tampon blow gun.

Ladies, you can now arm yourselves to the vagina in cardboard tampon tubes and PVC piping.  When your weaponry is completely assembled with the tampon-laden bandolero, you’re ready to take on whatever comes your way.  Please note: you ought not to fire tampons that have been worn, not only because of the self-explanatory “ick” factor but also because it will gunk up the works.

I want to know who sat at home designing this li’l beauty, because then I could walk up to that person and say, “Hey, I have to know…WTF?  This is how you spend your time?  Really?”

~XOT

Picture from tamponcrafts.com