When You’ve Got Doll Bodies and Time on Your Hands…

This.

wtf centipede

IT’S ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!!!

In a shocking development for me, I’m at a little bit of a loss for words on this one.  I’m not sure what I like best about this… I love that the dolls are carefully put together in descending order, best for it to take on the appearance of some fearsome segmented creature with many stomachs to satisfy.

Though the way it’s curved…it sort of looks like Randall from Monsters, Inc., no?

Say hello to the Scream Extractor.

Say hello to the Scream Extractor.
Image from pixar.wikia.com

I love that the head doll has weird, platinum-white hair à la the murderous, telepathic space-children from Village of the Damned.

Image from deathensemble.com

And I love that the baby face just looks so goddamned hungry.

The “WTF WordPress, really?” suggested tag for this post is “Antiques and Collectibles“.  While I can sort of logically determine why this would qualify as a legitimate suggestion, anyone who collects segmented doll carcass-pedes with a hankering for blood…well, that impulse really shouldn’t be legitimized.

~XOT

Photo found at Cthulhu Hand Luke‘s Facebook page, which is a bizarre, often hilarious, freak show full of awesome and I totally recommend that you check it out.

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Stuffed Toys at the Children’s Exhibit

Once upon a time, there was a felt stuffed monster.

That monster wasn’t much to look at, and it certainly wasn’t scary. It was little more than a few pieces of purple material stitched together, with mismatched buttons for eyes and little fuzzy arms made to hug.

And little Timmy loved it.

And that monster had a secret.

It was a magical monster doll!

The conditions had to be just right for the doll’s magic to become known.  It had to be on the first day of spring or autumn, when the 24-hour span of the day is divided equally between daylight and the night.  And it had to be a dark moon, a night where the moon’s face is hidden and the sun’s light casts no hint of warmth on the world.  Then the veil between the worlds is thinnest.  Then the secret doors can open.

On just such a night, Timmy was fast asleep, his beloved stuffed monster curled up next to him.  As midnight approached the air in the room seemed to grow thick.  Timmy moaned slightly in his sleep, but did not awaken.  The time wasn’t right.  Not yet.

Midnight.

When the clock turned to midnight, Timmy’s eyes fluttered open. His favorite toy was sitting on his chest instead of curled up into his arm. And it…was…growing.  Not the body of the doll, that stayed the same size.  But a line appeared where no mouth had been before, and it grew, and then it opened.  Timmy, still groggy from sleep, wondered why he never ever noticed his monster had a fully developed set of teeth before.  The monster’s head kept growing, and the mouth kept stretching, wider, wider, as his favorite toy leaned closer to him.  He heard a voice emanate from deep within the doll, at once whispering and filling the room.  It said, “In his house at R’lyeh dead Cthulhu waits dreaming.”  Timmy screamed once before the monster’s cavernous mouth descended upon him and enveloped him in blackness.

By the time his parents ran to the room, Timmy was gone beyond the stars to the lost city of R’lyeh, to tend to the dead and sleeping Old Ones until they awaken and return to enslave the earth once more.  His monster, his doll, his friend, sat benign and inert, upended on his pillow.  Timmy’s mother picked it up forlornly and set it rightside up before leaving the room to call the police.

If it still had its mouth it would have smiled.

There were two more nights of the dark moon, and two more parents.

Making family reunions fun since before time began.

Making family reunions fun since before time began.

Sleep tight, children!

Today’s completely jacked suggested tag from WordPress?  Tim Horton’s.  That’s right, Tim Horton’s, the completely benign, welcoming, Canadian chain of doughnut shops.  Perhaps they’re trying to lull us into a false sense of security with coffee and confections before tearing apart the barriers between the worlds?  What are you up to, Tim Horton?  Besides, of course, providing delicious cakey goodness and caffeine to the masses?

Photo provided to MoWTF by friend of the museum Michael C., though I have no idea where in the hell he got it from.

Hey, big fella. Look for change in THESE cushions!

Occasionally at MoWTF, we run into Things that Look Like…a Particular Other Thing.  Now, we don’t advocate that EVERYTHING that is an elongated ovoid with tapered ends looks like…this thing.  Marquise-cut diamonds, for example, just look like a bauble I wouldn’t mind dangling from a chain on my neck.

Oooh, shiny.

Oooh, shiny.

Sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar, this is true.

And sometimes, a couch looks like it’s been decorated by a row of vaginas.

If you want to remain a bachelor, pick this little beauty up.

Home decor for the committed bachelor.

’nuff said.

Our non-sequitur suggested tag today is “Volkswagen”, so here is a little history of Hitler’s pet project, the People’s Car.  Enjoy!

~XOT&D

Photo found at Q87.7’s Facebook page, sent to me courtesy of Friend of the MoWTF, Noelle W.

Now Available at the WTF Gift Shop!

Ah, the gentle, reassuring glow of the nightlight.  When we think of the nightlight, we think of that thing which makes children feel safe at light, which banishes dark thoughts, which creates a snug and comforting home.

Usually this is true, and nightlights are seen as innocuous as a They Might Be Giants song.

And I quote: Not to put too fine a point on it, say I’m the only bee in your bonnet.

Ohhh, it’s sweet, it’s charming!  A nightlight is the kind of thing that gives warm-fuzzies!

Except when they’re not.

With that in mind, we at the Museum of WTF proudly present….

The Alien Fetus Specimen Jar nightlight.

Sleep tight!

We shall watch you in the darkness.

Sleep tight!

~XOT

(As an aside, I have *no idea* why “sea turtle” came up as a suggested tag from WordPress, but it seemed like such a random and senseless suggestion that I was compelled to write a sentence and link to it so I could include that tag.  Weirdos.  WTF?)  (Ahhhhh…well played, WordPress.  Well played.)

(photo from etsy)

The Picture that Started It All: Yee-Ha!

There I was, one day, minding my own business when Dianna posted to my Facebook feed.  “Oh, Terri,” she said, “I have something for you!”  As I beheld the picture she posted, and rubbed mine eyes in disbelief I thought…this is too good to not share with the rest of the world.  We need  a place where all the tragic art, all the misguided food, all the creepster photography, all the freak-show taxidermy, and all the various and sundry inexplicables can be celebrated for the hilarious, head-shaking nightmare fuel they are.  And so I give unto you…

Ride 'em, Squirrelboy!

Ride ’em, Squirrelboy!

That’s right.  It’s a squirrel, riding a rattlesnake.  Know what’s even better?  Front shot!

I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille.

I’m ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille.

That squirrel is a boy.

Can someone please tell me just WTF, exactly, this is all about?

~XOT

(photos from incrediblethings.com)